Movie Reviews

365 DNI Review: A Rip-off of 50 Shades and Worse

365 DNI Review: A Rip-off of 50 Shades and Worse

Imagine a woman get drugged and kidnapped by a mob boss. He forces her into a deal to fall in love with him in 365 days. He shows her what she’s missing by getting deepthroat from another random chick, while she’s shackled to a bed with a tube that spreads her legs wider the more she resists.

This is 365 DNI, a Polish 50 Shades of Grey that hopes you overlook its rapist apologist premise that also romanticizes kidnapping. The movie tries to convince you that it’s an erotic romantic drama when it’s just an average trashy porn movie.

Massimo can get laid anytime and get blowjobs anywhere. But he’s obsessed with a girl he saw on a beach one day before his Dad gets assassinated and he gets shot. The girl is Laura, a feisty woman who is in an unhappy relationship with a bald dude that constantly embarrasses her.

These two are as well-written as two characters in a Pornhub clip. He tries to tame her with buffet-style meals, shopping, and swanky parties. She semi-resists his out-of-camera dick.  They tease and provoke each other in a series of cringe scenes that include ice cream licking, pole dancing, and glamorized coercion. It gets sillier and monotonous at every turn. He finally succeeds and she falls in love after being saved from drowning. She gets more shopping montages.

The plot is supposedly meant to make the audience root for these two but only ends up as a convincing Stockholm syndrome story.

The movie’s real purpose is to offer softcore porn of two good-looking people. Find a video clip or gifs of them somewhere. It’ll spare you from the obnoxious where-the-90s-music-video-hell-did-this-come-from soundtrack, wild drone shots, and a horrible script. Unless you don’t mind wasting your time on misogyny and retroactive consent.

365 DNI ends in the best way for Massimo, which I will spoil for you because we all know we’re not here for the story. His right-hand (?) gets word that Laura is going to get killed. Her car enters a tunnel and doesn’t come out.

365 DNI

1

365 Days is a rape fantasy softcore porn pretending to be an erotic romantic drama with abysmal dialogue, vacuous characters, and Wattpad premise.

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