Movie Reviews

Movie Review: The Pyramid

The Pyramid comes from a long line of mediocre horror B-movies that is cursed by producers who wanted to make a quick buck out of what they assume are stupid and gullible audiences.

The ancient wonders of the world have long cursed explorers who’ve dared to uncover their secrets. But a team of U.S. archaeologists gets more than they bargained for when they discover a lost pyramid unlike any other in the Egyptian desert. As they unlock the horrific secrets buried within, they realize they aren’t just trapped, they are being hunted. (C) Fox

of course we ALL have to come in, there wouldn’t be enough people to kill

The fact that The Pyramid is a ripoff of As Above/So Below (minus the Parisian setting, hallucinations and typography) already indicates that its a mistake spending money on this movie. But hey, maybe it has enough redeeming qualities to be a brainless distraction.

Unfortunately, the movie is a generic story about a hapless group of explorers inadvertently intruding the territory of a civilization that white people keeps on appropriating – ancient Egypt.

These characters are annoyingly one-dimensional so it doesn’t really matter as they die one by one through a string of dramatic contrivances and stupid screenplay logic. Case in point: the pyramid has small passageways but a huge horribly CGI rendered thing has no problems navigating it to grab a victim at the opportune moment. Also, there are a bunch of mutated rats that are supposed be the enemy of this thing, but opt not to finish the job for centuries even though they can freely hunt him down. The cast is led by Denis O’Hare who phones it in for a paycheck gig. The rest fill every moment with amateurish acting.

They are subjected to scares that you’ve already seen in countless found footage films. The monsters are rendered in low budget CGI. In the end the whole premise just falls apart because the pyramid (technically its a tetrahedron but that wouldn’t make a cool movie title) of horrors, which is constructed to keep whatever’s in it, is useless.

As Indiana Jones have already showed us, there’s fun to be had in booby trapped ancient structures. The horror classic The Descent also proved that you can elevate a familiar premise of exploration gone wrong with a well written screenplay and relatable characters.

The Pyramid doesn’t bother to make an effort and fails. It’s cursed with producers who hoped to coast on mediocrity (expecting a 20 million domestic revenue) like the makers of Ouija, who managed to fool enough people to be profitable because of marketing.

My Rating: 1/10

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