The Pyramid Review: Plain Horrible

The Pyramid is a straight-to-video kind of horror movie with a useless premise and disposable characters.

The Pyramid is a generic story about a hapless group of explorers inadvertently intruding on the territory of a civilization that white people keep on appropriating – ancient Egypt.

These characters are annoyingly one-dimensional so it doesn’t really matter as they die one by one through a string of dramatic contrivances and stupid screenplay logic. Case in point: the pyramid has small passageways but a huge horribly CGI rendered thing has no problems navigating it to grab a victim at the opportune moment.

There are also a bunch of mutated rats that are supposed to be the enemy of this thing but opt not to finish the job for centuries even though they can freely hunt him down. The cast is led by Denis O’Hare who phones it in for a paycheck gig. The rest fill every moment with amateurish acting.

They are subjected to derivative scares. The monsters are rendered in low budget CGI. Worse, the whole premise just falls apart because the pyramid (technically it’s a tetrahedron but that wouldn’t make a cool movie title) of horrors, which is constructed to keep whatever’s in it, is useless.

The Pyramid is a straight-to-video kind of horror movie. And even if it were, just watch As Above/So Below.